Online Dating Is Way More Complicated for Women

If we're all honest with ourselves, online dating is the option of the future. It is niche and it is available, as we know so many people aren't. It is like going to a buffet where everything is laid out pretty and delicious for our choosing.

I wish the description that could be applied is easy; but it is far from that. Actually, it so far from easy that it isn't even in the same universe as easy. Because for every up that online dating (or meeting people online) presents, it also proposes pitfalls.

Let me be all academic (read: nerdy) for a minute and say that data journalist, Jon Millward executed this really awesome study on how dating online is much more complicated for women. We are bombarded by messages. For every one "good" message there are two that are misogynistic in some way.

So how do you go from words on a profile to conversation to meeting?

DON'T WAIT ON THE OTHER PERSON TO MESSAGE

That's right. I said it; suck it up and do it first. You've both matched, you're both intrigued, so just do it. If you wait for him/her to send the message first you could be waiting (literally) forever. Find the one thing that made you say "like" in the first place and tell them.

"Oh, hey. You like anime, let's bang."

Okay, well that probably wouldn't get you anywhere, but say something nonetheless.

CONVERSATION TAKES WORK

This is tricky. If you're like me, and most intelligent people looking for more than a lay are, you want substantial meaning to interactions. A real conversation is going to take work. Look at what the other person is putting into and put back that same effort. If you don't feel the chemistry, okay, say it.

Interaction is a mutually beneficial experience, therefore it should be mutually contributed to. I suck at this in most regards. I'm picky and wordy (as if you didn't know that). I also don't always get onto the internet so really awesome conversations just die, sorry SmokeCharmer708.

JUST ASK

You've talked for a while, the conversation is mind-seducing and you would really like to meet them. Why not just ask? Don't throw it abrasively out there in a way that could scare them; tag it in a side thought with the rest of the conversation. You can ask or suggest by saying "I'd love to do this with you". There are three typical outcomes that you can expect while you sit there, bite your nails, and curse them for not living online waiting for your response.

Yes. (OMG, they said yes.)
They say "Yes", but it is so non-committal that they never actually make the plans and you know where you stand.
They say "No". You knew it was an option. Move on.
NOW WHAT? THE RULES.

You're finally going out, #proudparent, and yes, there are rules. They're more like "guidelines" or someone looking at you with a wooden sword saying, "It's dangerous to go alone, take this." They keep you, ya know, alive. Not that being chopped to bits because s/he turned out to be an ax murder doesn't sound like a good story, though.

Meet in a public place- Bar, coffee shop, restaurant, book store, etc. Really, it should be well lit so you can fully see their nonverbal cues, like their eye contact and so on.
Safety calls- It isn't a bad thing to step away and call a friend at a designated time. My rule: If I'm not home by 2:30 a.m., I will call. If I don't do either, I'm in trouble. If it is a "serious" date after which I think I may end up at their house, I will make sure my friends know to have their phone with them or ask if they'll wait up for me.
When they say "No", just Elsa that shit and let it go.
Use your instincts. ALWAYS. If something is making you feel funny, go with your gut. No matter what stage of the process you're in, listen to your instincts.
I've been working on figuring out how to do an online dating guide for a while. I've been amassing quite the collection of "don't do this" screenshots from OKCupid fails (of my own) and a few Tinderfessions. It is also important to reflect on this